She can't help it, the girl can't help it

I understand what it means to love.
I love people everyday. All kinds of people.
People say a lot of things about love. One that i've heard a lot lately is that "love makes you do stupid things". I agree with this. I mean, ive been there (there being stupid). But im not so sure that i believe it to the extent that they are words to live by. How can you let "love" rule your world? Let you tell you what to do, and keep you from saying the things you want, or even ending what you thought may have been love? And why do people let love be all they have, to the point that they wouldn't be able to go on without that other person. Yes, i believe in love but i do not believe in not having self love. If i lost someone i loved - and i mean legitimately lost- i may think that i couldn't go on without that person, but its not true because you do go on, you have too. It would hurt for a while, maybe even forever but you have to go on. So why is it that people think that when they lose love - and not legitimately lose it- that they don't have anything else to live for. People lose love and they move on, so why is it that when love leaves you, you suddenly become nonexistent and unimportant?

To top it off - people shouldn't have to be scared to leave love if its what they want. Its not fair that because you don't feel the love that you once felt that you have to stick it out to save someone else.
Maybe im way off. Maybe what i thought was love really wasn't at all and i don't understand what other people are going through and i am completely insensitive and incorrect about these situations.
But i don't think so. I'm usually never wrong.

I believe in miracles

So i guess i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. But not the side of the bed you're thinking of.... the...good side. Which hasent really happened for me in a while. But regardless i was feeling good. About everything, my first exam that i was about to write, my upcoming exams, and most of all the number one thing on my mind was... Christmas. Which yes, is also very unusal for me, but i proceeded to download all of the required Pop Diva christmas albums and have had them on all day.
So why the new leaf? Well, last Christmas in my little world was not what i had expected it to be. A part of my life that i wish could be erased, kept me from experiencing a good Christmas. The stress of school (my first exams i had ever written in university), the balance of making new friends in university and keeping the ones i had left behind, not being close to my family, and relationships that ended up being... not so relationshipy.
I dont think that its a bad thing that i want to make this christmas/new years a better one then i have had in many years. If it mean i have to be happy for a while, i will make that sacrifice. As much as i still acknowledge of the crap things that go on in my life, this is a pretty good excuse for keeping things chipper, especially around exams, and im going to keep it up ( or at least try ) because it feels goood.
Also, i am awaiting my Christmuka miracle and dammit im going to get it this year :)

Seriously

Have you ever wondered that maybe, somewhere in your future, weather its near future or not, that theres something else for you. That the way you think your life is going to go - may not work out the way you are planning. Or are you one of those people who already see their future - know whats going to happen - because for you, there are no other options.

okay danielle where is this rant coming from? Well ive been watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy lately (shut up its a good show) and i cant help but notice that in that show the most unexpected things happen to the most decent of people. People who have their lives already planned, people who know what they want and where they are going. Its rare that you see bad things happen to people who deserve it. Why is that? Maybe because no one really deserves bad news like the people on that show get.

on another note
exams are coming up and i am stressssing out. I dont want it to be a repeat of midterms when i studied my ass off and got nowhere. Im hoping that all my studying this time will pay off a little bit more. I just need to get through this year. I need to.

I guess there is no point to this blog, i just havent written in a while.
Good Luck on Exams.

Happy Little Trees

So today, Dennis and i got on the topic of Christmas. Last years Christmas was different. I wasn't looking forward to going home- not at all. We were going on a Cruise, and as much as i should have been excited, i was the farthest thing from. This Christmas is going to be different. I am actually looking forward to going home and spending some time with the family and friends.
So, along with all the fun things that come with Christmas, over the years its become more of a chore in my house then anything else.
My mom, loves the fact that we are "older" and in her eyes, Christmas doesnt mean that much to us anymore- so no more stockings, no more colored lights, no more getting to help put up the tree. My mom preps the tree now, which we no longer go out and buy all together, my dad will go to the nearest parking lot where the guy sits in his car and waits for someone to buy a tree. She decorates in all one color (gold) because it looks classy. No more tacky sentimental homemade ornaments that Steven James and I worked so diligently on. She makes my dad put up white christmas lights only outside. No more multicolor bulbs for us.
We no longer get Christmas presents from Santa. So one gift each, plus what Steven Jimmy and I buy for each other.
My Dad- no longer feels the need to get us up at 7am. And instead of all accumulating in the living room in a rush, we make coffee first, sit on the couch and wait for our mom to distribute the gifts with such enthusiasm ( "this is yours, this is yours, put that wrapping in the garbage, i already have one of these, etc).
Sometimes i wish i was still 7 so i got all the perks of Christmas Still
But this is my Christmas, and i can't wait for it.

What Im trying to say

So i havent written in my blog for a long time - ive had blog block.
Actually ive had no time. For anything
I'm going home this weekend and I think thats a good idea. I need a little home time. I wont want it for long, but I need it.
I need to get back to feeling like me. Not this person i have become in the past couple of weeks. Ya, i know, i am a generally angry person but ive never been the way i am right now.
Just frustrated, all the time.
Most of the time i just want to scream at everyone. I found myself becoming this person who is not happy because i cant help but think of everything that makes me mad.

So im thinking...
There are some things that im not going to do anymore, and its not because I don't care anymore but its because I need to give myself some sanity.

I'm not going to feel sorry anymore unless is something that is genuinely unfortunate. I will refuse to feel sorry and HELP those people who are not willing to help themselves.
I'm not going to not tell you when I need you to do something. When it comes down to it, everyone is busy and everyone needs to help out, asking for help is not a bad thing. It does not have to be deceiving and temperamental, its just help.
I'm not going to get the closure i want. Because, its over. I don't need to know why everything happens, because thats not how life works. There are going to be more people like you who don't always give me a the straight answer that i want. I can't dwell on those people, I have noticed that i have better things to do.
I am not going to expect the worst of people all the time. I want to give you the chance to prove to me that you don't always put yourself before the people you care about.
I am not going to pretend that everything you say and do is okay. I will tell you when the things you say are hurtful, because sometimes they are. We all say things we don't mean.
I'm going to spend more time with me, less time being angry. I'm going to try to gather my thoughts before i decide i'm going to be in a bad mood because that is not fair to the people around me who have done nothing wrong. If it is worth being upset however, i will be. But i wont just be miserable and not know why.

Im going to try to do these things. I may not be perfect, and i may need help. But i am going to try, not for anyone else, but for me.

I Can't Hear the Music

So this weekend, i did probably the hardest thing ive ever had to do
I turned down the opportunity to attend, not one, but TWO concerts. IN A ROW. Ya ya i know. What was i thinking right?
Concert number 1 : Manchester Orchestra. YAA. I know. Me, Roth, good old big bro rick, it would have been amazing and from what i hear it was Superb.
Concert number 2: The Most Serene Republic. I know, another great disapointment. Ive seen them once before and yes they captured my heart.
So why do you ask? Why Danielle (Donyelle) did you do such a stupid thing? Because of HOMEWORK... i know! who does homework?
I have never sacrificed concerts before.
Ever.
It didnt feel very good. I hope my friends never let me make those decision ever again. And if i don't get 80 or above on my lab and my presentation that kept me from these wonders of the world, i will not be a happy concert goer.
Barsin wrote a new song thing weekend. Its awesome. Not as awesome as those 2 concerts would have been, but it kept me going anyway.
Back to Work.
Peace in the Middle East.

I get Annngry when you're Around

I looove small talk
Especially when the person you are having small talk with has no idea how small you actually want your talk to be. There are those people that just come around whenever they please and feel the need to want to talk to you about your life, that they perhaps were once in. But really, what is the need? If you were really concerned about me, and my life, then wouldn't you just talk to me on a regular basis anyway? Obviously you don't care that much if you only want to talk when you find yourself trapped and there is nothing else to do but talk. I'm not offended, by the way, if you choose to opt out of that little chat and walk away. " Lets talk later" - actually i have a better idea, lets not talk later. Or actually i have an even better idea, lets not talk ever. Theres always going to be people who you will just have small talk with, and thats fine. But those people who never used to be small talk people to you and now are....those people are a waste of my time.

When it Rains.

And when it rains,
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away,
From all of the ones who love you,
From everything.
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole
And you'll sleep untill May
And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

This is for Keeps

Sooo we went back to the pet store today to purchase the bunny rabbit we so fell in love with over the weekend.....sadly, he was already sold. But don't you fret, we got another just as cute, just as loveable bunny ! We have yet to name him, we're waiting on Bailey to come home so that we can do it together! Hes a really special guy and he will be so loved here :) :)!

We Are Broken

Im not going to expand on this.
This is all i have to say today.

Crash the Party

Sooo yesterday Bails and i had our stats exam. yay stats! hahaha we did okay ( i hope ). After we hiked our butts home from school ( seeing as our bus doesnt run on friday nights ! ) we headed over to Dragonfly to crash Paula's nineteenth birthday bash! It was lots of fun. I'm missing my girls from home ! It was sooo good to see them, oh yeah and the rest of my highschool that apparently goes to Niagara Falls every weekend?

Today i bought a fish. His name is Dexter. Hes not as cool as the fish i bought for Bailey last year ( rip Derek). haha Derek was a fighter, a reeealll tough guy. Dexter is kind of a softy, but hes still totally rad. While we were at the pet store, we fell in love with a bunny. He had to be the most rad bunny i have ever held in my hands lol. I hope we get him :) I reallllly wanna get him !!
this is the bunny

this is dexter

Misery Business

So the other day i was in my Mass Media Philosophy seminar, its a great seminar, the people are awesome, my TA is a pretty good guy and the actual content is actually interesting. Who woulda thought? During our discussion we started talking about blogs, and our TA was telling us that there are people in Iraq who write blogs about what is going on in their country. Could you imagine, sitting down at a computer to write about how you almost died that day? Or maybe someone you know. They are writing these things from their points of view of whats going on and what they see. It gives us a different perspective then what see and hear on the news. But what i was thinking was, how irrelevant does my life become when people are writing blogs about stuff like that? Maybe i shouldn't be writing a blog at all, seeing as what goes on in my daily life... really, isn't all that important?

Like O, Like H

O O sugar spell it out...

I love the way my roommates and I can convince each other that going out on a Thursday night when they all have 9 am class on Fridays, is a good idea. Its not my fault that I have Friday's off. Sorrrryyy. Im not a bad friend, im just looking out for them, socially. I owe them, but they know they loved it. Roth even curled her hair. Yessss.
Flip cup champs they are too!

Our weekends last year used to start on Thursdays and wouldn't end until mid Sunday when we woke up and all realized how much homework we had. These weekends are different. Its good that we are all taking school a lot more serious this year buuuuut im not going to lie i miss our four day weekends when the party used to come to us. No matter what, even when wanted to say in and work, the party was always still there. So temping, all the time. Those days when we didn't care if we ate pizza for lunch and dinner four days in a row. When going to the bar was soo scandalous because we knew we weren't allowed to be there. When cleaning up the morning after a party put everyone in the worst mood but we all knew the night before was so worth it. But of course things change. But change isnt always a bad thing. Now we have a new house and new traditions and new things that make us who we are.
The 24 1/2 Parker Girls.


“Change. We don't like it, we fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth. Sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh sometimes, change is good. Sometimes change is everything.”

-Dr. Meredith Grey

Sleep don't Weep

Its so amazing how everything in your life can be going so well. You are used to everything, and for the most part are happy with the way things are going. Then when you least expect it things can change. Juuust like that. No notice. No one asks you if its okay. It just changes. What do you do? Do you dwell on the new found life that you are not happy with. Do you try your best to make things go back to the way they were because ultimately that was the time when you were truly happy. Or do you pretend like nothing has changed, and hope that it will all go away soon.
I know i like to hate on people who are "happy" but i have never actually realized how quickly it can be taken away. Its not fair but as Luisa always says, " bad things happen to good people and we don't know why."- shes so wise.
I watched 3 episodes of Gossip girl today and am feeling a bit compelled to start my own gossip girl....thing. Whatever it is that the girl goes. Is she some kind of crazy ghost who can walk through walls and see and hear everything? Frig that girl is my idol. Don't worry, i wont make my blog into a gossip girl blog. Plus i don't think anyone would be able to keep up with all those short forms.
Anyway, im going to go hang with B and maybe chill with R. L is going to be pretty upset when she finds out D went home. And wheres M? Thats a secret no one will tell . BAHA. its a bad show.

Toodles.

Celebrations!

Today i celebrate
For what do you ask?
First i celebrate for Nonna. For the first time since ...everything...we hear good news :)
Second i celebrate for Steven. For deciding that he didnt need to spend $640 on a new TV and that these are obstacles that we can overcome together . Good work Steven
Third i celebrate for me. Because i like me. And because i'm proud of me. I don't really care if anyone else is proud of me, because I am. I know that i can "always do better" but im proud of me for how i am doing so far. I complain a lot. I say that school isn't for me and when it gets too much i joke about not doing it anymore, but then i remember those summer days when i worked in an office from 9-5 and all i could think about was school. Because i would much rather be in school. I will still complain, and i will still joke about dropping out, but in the end i will be proud of me.
I am not usually this optimistic about stuff.
So enjoy it.
It wont happen again :)

Bloggers

Sooo i made a huge stink that blogs we're a waste of time for people who had nothing better to do , then i realized that i used to have a blog. So i went back and read it and i sorta liked it so im going to start another one.

My blog used to be about the OC. I was obsessed. Im not that big of a fan of the OC anymore. It was ruined for me. Its about greys these days.

Thats what we're going to be for Halloween. The cast of greys. Im Callie O'Mally. I don't know why i'm Callie, i don't even like her that much.

So, welcome to my life.