Happy Little Trees

So today, Dennis and i got on the topic of Christmas. Last years Christmas was different. I wasn't looking forward to going home- not at all. We were going on a Cruise, and as much as i should have been excited, i was the farthest thing from. This Christmas is going to be different. I am actually looking forward to going home and spending some time with the family and friends.
So, along with all the fun things that come with Christmas, over the years its become more of a chore in my house then anything else.
My mom, loves the fact that we are "older" and in her eyes, Christmas doesnt mean that much to us anymore- so no more stockings, no more colored lights, no more getting to help put up the tree. My mom preps the tree now, which we no longer go out and buy all together, my dad will go to the nearest parking lot where the guy sits in his car and waits for someone to buy a tree. She decorates in all one color (gold) because it looks classy. No more tacky sentimental homemade ornaments that Steven James and I worked so diligently on. She makes my dad put up white christmas lights only outside. No more multicolor bulbs for us.
We no longer get Christmas presents from Santa. So one gift each, plus what Steven Jimmy and I buy for each other.
My Dad- no longer feels the need to get us up at 7am. And instead of all accumulating in the living room in a rush, we make coffee first, sit on the couch and wait for our mom to distribute the gifts with such enthusiasm ( "this is yours, this is yours, put that wrapping in the garbage, i already have one of these, etc).
Sometimes i wish i was still 7 so i got all the perks of Christmas Still
But this is my Christmas, and i can't wait for it.

What Im trying to say

So i havent written in my blog for a long time - ive had blog block.
Actually ive had no time. For anything
I'm going home this weekend and I think thats a good idea. I need a little home time. I wont want it for long, but I need it.
I need to get back to feeling like me. Not this person i have become in the past couple of weeks. Ya, i know, i am a generally angry person but ive never been the way i am right now.
Just frustrated, all the time.
Most of the time i just want to scream at everyone. I found myself becoming this person who is not happy because i cant help but think of everything that makes me mad.

So im thinking...
There are some things that im not going to do anymore, and its not because I don't care anymore but its because I need to give myself some sanity.

I'm not going to feel sorry anymore unless is something that is genuinely unfortunate. I will refuse to feel sorry and HELP those people who are not willing to help themselves.
I'm not going to not tell you when I need you to do something. When it comes down to it, everyone is busy and everyone needs to help out, asking for help is not a bad thing. It does not have to be deceiving and temperamental, its just help.
I'm not going to get the closure i want. Because, its over. I don't need to know why everything happens, because thats not how life works. There are going to be more people like you who don't always give me a the straight answer that i want. I can't dwell on those people, I have noticed that i have better things to do.
I am not going to expect the worst of people all the time. I want to give you the chance to prove to me that you don't always put yourself before the people you care about.
I am not going to pretend that everything you say and do is okay. I will tell you when the things you say are hurtful, because sometimes they are. We all say things we don't mean.
I'm going to spend more time with me, less time being angry. I'm going to try to gather my thoughts before i decide i'm going to be in a bad mood because that is not fair to the people around me who have done nothing wrong. If it is worth being upset however, i will be. But i wont just be miserable and not know why.

Im going to try to do these things. I may not be perfect, and i may need help. But i am going to try, not for anyone else, but for me.

I Can't Hear the Music

So this weekend, i did probably the hardest thing ive ever had to do
I turned down the opportunity to attend, not one, but TWO concerts. IN A ROW. Ya ya i know. What was i thinking right?
Concert number 1 : Manchester Orchestra. YAA. I know. Me, Roth, good old big bro rick, it would have been amazing and from what i hear it was Superb.
Concert number 2: The Most Serene Republic. I know, another great disapointment. Ive seen them once before and yes they captured my heart.
So why do you ask? Why Danielle (Donyelle) did you do such a stupid thing? Because of HOMEWORK... i know! who does homework?
I have never sacrificed concerts before.
Ever.
It didnt feel very good. I hope my friends never let me make those decision ever again. And if i don't get 80 or above on my lab and my presentation that kept me from these wonders of the world, i will not be a happy concert goer.
Barsin wrote a new song thing weekend. Its awesome. Not as awesome as those 2 concerts would have been, but it kept me going anyway.
Back to Work.
Peace in the Middle East.